How we decided to homeschool, part 1

I couldn't help but consider homeschooling when I realized what kind of kid Jack is. I didn't want him to be the recipient of any labels of any kind in a school. I didn't want teachers to not appreciate how perfect he is. But I tried to be against the idea; I tried to think that school would be the better option. I really did! But the homeschooling idea just kept on coming back. We would go to a playdate and he would cling to my leg instead of going out and playing, and the other moms would comment on his unique behavior, and the thoughts in my head were of how lovely it was that I didn't feel like he had to be like all the other kids his age and I didn't want him to ever feel like he needed to be any different from the way he was. I wanted him to grow up naturally, without being shaped or molded by a teacher or school that was less than what he needed.

I couldn't overlook the examples I had in friends who homeschooled their children, and how lovely those children were. Isabel and Alexa were two girls who lived in our ward when Jack was a baby; the first time we ever left him with babysitters and came home to find him happy, they were the sitters. They were 11 and 13 at the time, I believe, but they were so very responsible and mature. I felt like I could trust them with anything and they wouldn't let me down. They were easy to talk to, and they showed so much love to my sweet little boy that I couldn't help but love them. And they were homeschooled.

Malina moved into our ward just a few months after we did. Her boys were 3 and 5 when Jack was just starting Nursery (so he was about 18 months). At first her boys terrified me b/c they were so hard to control (for me as a Primary teacher, at least) and they had boundless energy. But I could see right away how very happy they were; I asked her for advice on how to best teach her oldest son and she told me that he may be running around the room but he would still be listening. So I tried my hardest to not constantly tell him to sit still and be quiet; I of course had to sometimes, but I did see that when I let him move and fidget a little, he was willing to listen to me when I did have to tell him to be still. And so, I began to learn what normal children are like, and I began to love Malina's boys.

I was called as Malina's visiting teacher, and in visits to her house I got to see how she mothered her children. Her boys were loud and rowdy, but were very obedient and loving. They loved Jack, and he loved to watch them play but he was a little nervous about playing with them for a while!

Malina introduced me to the concept of not only homeschooling, but unschooling, or delight-directed learning. She (and many others) proposed that children who are never told what and when to study will naturally study the things they find interesting, and will learn much more and faster than if they are only allowed to study what a teacher says they can. The thought made so much sense to me, but it was just so radical I had a hard time accepting it. She had a logical answer for all my "But what if..." questions, and I decided to give it a go. (Keep in mind that even at this point, Jack wasn't even 3 yet!) Child-led learning flows pretty easily when most of the patterns in our home are child-centered. I went to the park with some unschooling groups but had a hard time feeling like I fit in. I make some pretty radical choices in my parenting but most of my other lifestyle choices are conservative; a lot of the families in the unschooling groups I met seemed radical all across the board. One day a rude little boy made my sweet Jack so angry he kicked the rude boy, and I never went back.

I found a group of LDS homeschoolers (called SHARE) and went to the park to meet them. They were so welcoming and sweet to me, and Jack loved the kids from the get-go. I looked over towards the playground at one point and was horrified to see Jack perched high up on a boulder that overlooked the playground; standing right next to him, though, was a teenage boy that belonged with the group. I watched, and the boy kept an eye on Jack and helped him down after a few minutes. I asked the moms about their educational philosophies and they said they leaned towards unschooling. I was hooked! I told Malina she needed to check out that group, and I joined.

Then I had Lily :D

All this time, I'd been praying for guidance about whether or not to homeschool. I never asked the question of the Lord directly b/c I was afraid of the answer, but I pondered an awful lot. I researched available literature on how homeschooled kids fare in life versus schooled kids. I constantly watched the kids of my homeschooling friends and imagined my kids growing up like them. I especially loved having friends with teenagers, b/c I could see just how well they had grown up! I really started to like the idea.

Tim stood behind me all this time. He said he thought homeschooling was more work than I realized, and that I would set my standards too high and not be able to do as well as I wanted. He said he would love it if I could, but he didn't want me to be terribly distraught if I ended up "giving up" and sending our kids to school. He constantly played devil's advocate and asked how school could really be that bad. But every time that I felt like he wasn't on my side, he reassured me that he wanted what I wanted, he just had questions, and we never fought over it. (I loved the conversation we had when I explained to him the premise behind unschooling. He said "Oh! Then I was unschooled in my after-school time, and look how well that turned out!" He started programming when he was 9 and now makes a 6-figure income, that's how well it turned out!)

Us in October 2007 (Jack was about 18 months)

Isn't he so handsome? And Tim doesn't look too bad, either!

Next post: getting started with Jack's "school" too young, moving to California, and finally growing up