How We Decided to Homeschool, Part 2

I signed Jack up for every class SHARE had in their clubs n' classes line-up, and even offered to teach one myself. He had sign language, simple cooking (which really was more like "fun with food"), and my class which was simply directed play with imaginative toys and/or games (we called it Young Explorers and we did things like put marble tracks together, play duck-duck-goose, paint with popsicles, glue yarn on little pumpkins, etc.). He never did like sign language but I was determined he was going to be in it; I kept hoping he would like it after long enough. He never hated it, but he always wanted to be outside playing instead. I don't really remember when I went from gung-ho unschooler to making Jack take a sign-language class; I think it may have been a bit of a recoil from the unschool groups that were too radical for my taste, or it may have been that I wanted to spend as much time as I could with this wonderful group of people. Either way, I don't think Jack suffered too much, but if I had to do it over again I would play with him outside instead of making him take the class. He did have lots of fun in the other classes, and he did get some time playing outside every time we met.

Then suddenly we moved to Palo Alto, California. I was excited to explore a new place, but I was appalled when I discovered that there were no homeschooling families in my stake. One mom said she had homeschooled up until that very year, and she was very happy she put her kids in public school b/c the schools there were "so good." I was asked often "Why in the world would you homeschool? The schools here are great!" I was even told more than once "Oh, you'll give up. Lots of homeschoolers give up here!" I wondered if they were right. I asked why the schools were "so good" and discovered they have shorter days, they bring in experts to do presentations to the kids, their math curriculum is all games, and they get great test scores.

But none of that mattered to me! I realized that one of my biggest reasons for wanting to homeschool was because I believe that the most important lessons children learn are at home: in the everyday interactions between family members, in the housework and chores, in the arguments and solutions, and in the scripture study. No school can teach that, no matter how well it does academics. And while yes, kids can be just fine when they go to school and are taught at home in the evenings and weekends, how much better could they do if they get to stay home? I just don't think it's as important for a 5-year-old to learn how to count to 100 as it is for him to learn to keep his little sister out of the road. He can pick up the counting later when he finds it interesting, but the character-building of watching out for his little sister will shape the man he will grow up to be. I believe that character and morality are absolutely vital, and many thousands of times more important than academics. A man with a good work ethic and study skills can learn anything he needs to know; a man with a head full of knowledge but no desire to work will only be a burden to society.

I found an LDS homeschool group, but it spanned too large an area for them to meet more often than monthly, and even that was only during the school year, and it was now summertime. I floundered; I talked to lots of moms in my ward about school and homeschool, trying to find a kindred spirit, but there was none. Everywhere I went, people would ask if Jack was in preschool and if he would start kindergarten next year; in an attempt to feel like I was doing something, I started schooling Jack at home. We did short lessons on the alphabet, colors of light, properties of water, paint, scripture stories, and playing games; we went to the library weekly and read and read and read; we visited museums and parks and playdates. And I learned that Jack can learn from lessons, even when he doesn't want to, but he learns so much better when he is interested and plays with the subject. I also learned that Jack LOVES structure! But I burned out after a few weeks; planning lessons took time from the family and I really didn't like fighting Jack to sit down with me.

I battled a nasty case of depression. Schooling, housework, exercise, and cooking all went out the window. I managed to play with my kids, and I felt like I may not be a very good homeschooler but I was doing OK as a mom. And amazingly enough, my kids did great! I don't even think they noticed that when I wasn't playing with them I was sulking in the corner, b/c I played with them every day.

I visited Texas, and felt like I was home. I spent time with SHARE and with Malina; I watched again how she runs her house and how she mothers her children. I loved watching my kids playing with Malina's kids and with the other kids in SHARE. I thought about what I had done well and what I could improve. And I decided I would do better when I got home.

And I did, after a whirlwind move to Sunnyvale! I was excited to hear that there were homeschooling families in my new stake; I emailed the one homeschooling mom in my ward and she invited us over for dinner. I discovered that she does intensive academics with her 4-year-old daughter and she sends her son to public school, then does more academics with him after school every day. I tried very hard not to cry myself to sleep that night... But the next day I played with my kids and felt better. I prayed for guidance and studied the scriptures. I tried to stop comparing myself to other homeschooling families and stop letting it bother me that I am the only person in this area with the views I have. I worked on picking back up the habits that we used to have that were good, like reading daily, and adding new ones that we needed, like chores. And I discovered that I was rather happy!

And then I decided I needed a group, and I didn't care if it was an LDS group or not. I need support and friends to bounce ideas off of, and Jack needs friends to play with. I went online and in a frenzy I joined almost every homeschool group within an hour drive. I went to a meetup with one of the groups and was so glad to find moms with ideas a lot like mine. I sat down and wrote out a weekly schedule and a daily routine; daily routine includes chores, reading time, and play time, and the weekly schedule includes library day, housecleaning day, library day, and nature day.

And then, I realized that I had not yet prayed directly about the question: Should I Homeschool? My heart racing, terrified I might get a no, I knelt. And I received sweet confirmation that God wants my family to homeschool.

That was just a couple of days ago. Since then, I re-discovered the Thomas Jefferson method of education, and wanted to jump up and dance as I read ideas that I had been forming all on my own. (This method in a nutshell: children should play, do chores, and spend time with their parents until they are old enough for formal studies sometime in their TEEN years.) I am not afraid anymore of the question "Does he start kindergarten next year?" I am not even afraid of the question "Oh, so what curriculum do you use, then?"

I have decided to give my children a longer childhood. They will learn to work, they will learn the gospel, and they will learn that our family's love is stronger than a rampaging herd of elephants. We do this by reading together, playing together, doing chores together, eating meals together, and going out and exploring together. Since I can't actually spend every waking moment with them, they have toys that inspire creative play, they have a backyard, and they have each other to play with. When they are ready to begin formal lessons, we will do that.

My house is full of peace right now. I know there will be bumps along the way, but I am not afraid of them. I have the conviction that I am doing the right thing for my family, and I have a gloriously lovely family. This week has been the pilot week of the daily routine and weekly schedule, and so far it has been a raging success. Jack loves the structure, Lily loves that we're always doing something interesting, and Tim loves coming home to a joyful house every evening. Tomorrow we'll load up as a family and go explore one of the hundreds of natural parks available to us here, and we won't have to clean house b/c the kids and I already did that yesterday. Next week I'll check out the closest unschooling group; I hope I fit in with them, but if I don't, I'll be OK. Jack has friends he can play with in the evenings, and I have friends I can talk to on the phone during the day. And the homeschooling group I've already seen is really not that bad; they are a little academic heavy, but they try not to be!

My kids are growing up so beautifully. Jack is a social butterfly with a heart as big as his native Texas: he plays with any kid or adult who's willing, and he shares his food and toys with a smile. He accidentally spent real money in an iPad app, and was very penitent when I told him he had; he watched and listened carefully when I showed him how he had done it and showed him how not to do it again, and he has followed through and not done it again. His questions get more and more mature every night when we watch a Book of Mormon story, and he's starting to remember them and link them together and make connections between them. He loves to make me happy, to a fault (!); he is learning the concept of not doing too much of a good thing. He can pick up and carry Lily, and she is sometimes OK with that, so he's learning how to tell if Lily doesn't mind him carrying her around. He is learning how to show the affection to Lily that he so desperately wants to, without making her fuss, and he is learning how to tell when she's tired, hungry, bored, or wants up or down. He is learning that I will rarely turn down an invitation to read to him, and I am learning how to tell when repeated pleas of "Will you read to me?" are really him just asking for attention! He is learning how to measure ingredients when cooking, and how to load and unload the dishwasher. He can recognize most letters of the alphabet and most numbers, and he can count to 20 if he's not thinking about it. He still loves the Chronicles of Narnia and we are halfway through the second book. He is getting good at following slightly more complex game rules and sticking with the same game for a longer period of time; he still loves to play simple board games like "The Ladybug Game". He's getting very good at eating whatever food I put in front of him and not complaining about it. He's also grown out of the stage where kids throw a fit about every thing that doesn't go their way, and it still amazes me when he takes setbacks in stride. He still loves his sister fiercely, and he is learning how to care for her even better: one day she took something from him that she didn't need to have, and his sweet blue eyes were as wide as dishplates when I explained to him that sometimes it's OK to make Lily cry when she wants something that's bad for her. He then turned to Lily and said "You can't have this by yourself, but if I keep my hand on it we can share it." And today, Lily fussed in the car, and he sang to her in a sweet, soft voice, "It's OK, Lily, you can go to sleep in the car, really you can!" He is a joy and a delight to have around!

Lily explores and investigating her world with ferocity. I rarely have to do much for her in a day except a couple of diaper changes and nursing her to sleep, b/c she just tags along and explores whatever we're doing or plays with toys or other safe objects. She loves measuring spoons and puzzles. She loves to rip paper and has been desecrating quite a few library books lately. She sometimes takes personal offense when I tell her "Uh-oh!" and cries as if her heart is breaking. She only very rarely wants to be cuddled, but she's learned that she just has to put up with it from me! She still loves her Daddy and still usually prefers him to me, but I am taking a larger share of her heart and she will prefer me to him more than she used to, and not even just when she's tired! She can put puzzle pieces in correctly and she can put on Jack's shoes, and sometimes she can get her own shoes on her feet. She loves to take her socks off but can't take her pants off yet, which is good b/c if she could she'd be naked all day! She refuses to get out of bed until Tim and I have made a "tent" out of our blanket by holding it up over all of our heads. She still will go potty right after waking up, and she still refuses to go potty any other time b/c she is too busy exploring; if I push the potty issue too hard she pushes right back and refuses to even go after waking, so I am learning to back off (you'd think I'd have that one learned by now!). She will request a diaper change by patting her diaper, and she almost always lies nice and still while I change her. She LOVES the bath, and playing with water in the sink, too; in fact, I did dishes the other day with just her b/c Jack was busy eating, and after she saw me rinse dishes and put them in the dish drain, she started copying me and rinsed a wooden spoon and put it in the dish drain. I almost cried, I was so touched and thrilled that my 18-month-old daughter was helping me with dishes! She is lengthening her attention span and will watch a movie with us for a few minutes before going back to exploring; she'll sit still and have a book read to her, too, as long as the book isn't too verbose! She has learned how much we love it when she gives us kisses, and will occasionally fill a few minutes going back and forth between each of us, kissing us over and over and over. She has opinions about the clothes that she wears, whether it is squealing and dancing when I put her favorite shirt on her or tugging and fussing at a shirt she doesn't like; I often give her a choice between two outfits for this reason, but sometimes she's too busy exploring to make a choice so I have to make it for her. She is getting old enough to be disciplined gently, and was rather offended when I held her in my lap after she pulled Jack's hair last night!

They may not be academically advanced (or they may be, and I really don't care either way), but they are compassionate, gentle, obedient, and happy, and they know some very important things about God and love. Our family is in a good place right now.

Photos from the playground behind the art museum today:

Jack wasn't too thrilled that the camera was out again, but he was a good sport and tried to pose. (I say "tried to" b/c he wanted to play so badly he simply could not hold still!)

Lily posed! She was imitating her brother :D

And she was done posing!

So now Jack had to get in on the action and posed again for a nice shot!

(I'm sorry my posts are always so long...)

How we decided to homeschool, part 1

I couldn't help but consider homeschooling when I realized what kind of kid Jack is. I didn't want him to be the recipient of any labels of any kind in a school. I didn't want teachers to not appreciate how perfect he is. But I tried to be against the idea; I tried to think that school would be the better option. I really did! But the homeschooling idea just kept on coming back. We would go to a playdate and he would cling to my leg instead of going out and playing, and the other moms would comment on his unique behavior, and the thoughts in my head were of how lovely it was that I didn't feel like he had to be like all the other kids his age and I didn't want him to ever feel like he needed to be any different from the way he was. I wanted him to grow up naturally, without being shaped or molded by a teacher or school that was less than what he needed.

I couldn't overlook the examples I had in friends who homeschooled their children, and how lovely those children were. Isabel and Alexa were two girls who lived in our ward when Jack was a baby; the first time we ever left him with babysitters and came home to find him happy, they were the sitters. They were 11 and 13 at the time, I believe, but they were so very responsible and mature. I felt like I could trust them with anything and they wouldn't let me down. They were easy to talk to, and they showed so much love to my sweet little boy that I couldn't help but love them. And they were homeschooled.

Malina moved into our ward just a few months after we did. Her boys were 3 and 5 when Jack was just starting Nursery (so he was about 18 months). At first her boys terrified me b/c they were so hard to control (for me as a Primary teacher, at least) and they had boundless energy. But I could see right away how very happy they were; I asked her for advice on how to best teach her oldest son and she told me that he may be running around the room but he would still be listening. So I tried my hardest to not constantly tell him to sit still and be quiet; I of course had to sometimes, but I did see that when I let him move and fidget a little, he was willing to listen to me when I did have to tell him to be still. And so, I began to learn what normal children are like, and I began to love Malina's boys.

I was called as Malina's visiting teacher, and in visits to her house I got to see how she mothered her children. Her boys were loud and rowdy, but were very obedient and loving. They loved Jack, and he loved to watch them play but he was a little nervous about playing with them for a while!

Malina introduced me to the concept of not only homeschooling, but unschooling, or delight-directed learning. She (and many others) proposed that children who are never told what and when to study will naturally study the things they find interesting, and will learn much more and faster than if they are only allowed to study what a teacher says they can. The thought made so much sense to me, but it was just so radical I had a hard time accepting it. She had a logical answer for all my "But what if..." questions, and I decided to give it a go. (Keep in mind that even at this point, Jack wasn't even 3 yet!) Child-led learning flows pretty easily when most of the patterns in our home are child-centered. I went to the park with some unschooling groups but had a hard time feeling like I fit in. I make some pretty radical choices in my parenting but most of my other lifestyle choices are conservative; a lot of the families in the unschooling groups I met seemed radical all across the board. One day a rude little boy made my sweet Jack so angry he kicked the rude boy, and I never went back.

I found a group of LDS homeschoolers (called SHARE) and went to the park to meet them. They were so welcoming and sweet to me, and Jack loved the kids from the get-go. I looked over towards the playground at one point and was horrified to see Jack perched high up on a boulder that overlooked the playground; standing right next to him, though, was a teenage boy that belonged with the group. I watched, and the boy kept an eye on Jack and helped him down after a few minutes. I asked the moms about their educational philosophies and they said they leaned towards unschooling. I was hooked! I told Malina she needed to check out that group, and I joined.

Then I had Lily :D

All this time, I'd been praying for guidance about whether or not to homeschool. I never asked the question of the Lord directly b/c I was afraid of the answer, but I pondered an awful lot. I researched available literature on how homeschooled kids fare in life versus schooled kids. I constantly watched the kids of my homeschooling friends and imagined my kids growing up like them. I especially loved having friends with teenagers, b/c I could see just how well they had grown up! I really started to like the idea.

Tim stood behind me all this time. He said he thought homeschooling was more work than I realized, and that I would set my standards too high and not be able to do as well as I wanted. He said he would love it if I could, but he didn't want me to be terribly distraught if I ended up "giving up" and sending our kids to school. He constantly played devil's advocate and asked how school could really be that bad. But every time that I felt like he wasn't on my side, he reassured me that he wanted what I wanted, he just had questions, and we never fought over it. (I loved the conversation we had when I explained to him the premise behind unschooling. He said "Oh! Then I was unschooled in my after-school time, and look how well that turned out!" He started programming when he was 9 and now makes a 6-figure income, that's how well it turned out!)

Us in October 2007 (Jack was about 18 months)

Isn't he so handsome? And Tim doesn't look too bad, either!

Next post: getting started with Jack's "school" too young, moving to California, and finally growing up

Today was full of fun!

Started the day with the discovery that I lost 2 pounds; I decided yesterday to make a goal of losing 35 pounds in 35 weeks, so this was very heartening :D

Decided to get the day started right, with chores getting done quickly instead of wandering around wondering what to do next and telling the kids I couldn't play with them b/c I was busy. Made eggs with bell peppers, onions, and mushrooms, and wrapped them in whole-wheat tortillas with cheese and (organic) ketchup. Oh heaven! And when we were done eating breakfast, it was only 8 o'clock! So we played duck-duck-goose, and had a blast :D
While eggs were cooking, Jack was being mischievous, so I gave him the chore of unloading the dishwasher. I've previously refrained from giving him that chore b/c he would have to stand on a stool to put up dishes and I thought that was too hard. He did fabulously, with minimal complaining :D

The things I'm focusing on right now for Jack are training him to do chores, to not give up, to think creatively, and to learn the stories of the scriptures.
-I'm learning to slow down and help him learn how to help me do all my chores, and he and I are both loving it; we get more time together and he feels helpful and important and loved, and he learns, and I love having his company.
-When he is having a hard time doing something, I encourage him to keep trying. I might offer him advice, but I don't rush in and do it for him; this is a change from before, when I would do things for him to avoid a screaming fit. He's not a baby anymore, thankfully, and he's doing pretty well with this. I love to see his excitement when he conquers a difficult task!
-When he asks me a question that I think should be obvious, I try not to berate him for asking a dumb question, give him the answer, or ignore him (things that I have been doing). I try to ask him questions that will lead him to the answer, or ask him to consider his question and tell me the answer. Also, when we watch a story (from the Book of Mormon Stories DVD) and act it out, if he doesn't know what comes next, I don't tell him, I make him go back to the iPad and watch it again so he can remember what happens. I do this b/c he has actually regressed in his story-telling skills; when he was 2 he could rehearse those stories with astonishing accuracy, but now he rarely remembers the beginning or end. I've been jogging his memory by reminding him of what he forgot, but I've been alarmed at how little he's been remembering of the stories he's been watching. My thought was that he was getting so used to me filling in for him that he wasn't trying anymore, so I'm not filling in for him anymore and we'll see what happens.
-And that's how we're learning the stories of the scriptures. Currently only the Book of Mormon Stories DVD is on the iPad, but someday we'll have the Stories from the Old Testament, New Testament, and Doctrine and Covenants too. He'll probably prefer the Book of Mormon Stories for a while, just b/c he prefers familiarity, but we'll work on that. We watch one every night before bed and he has to rehearse it back to us so we know he got it, and then he has the option of watching more before he falls asleep. We also watch them together as an activity during the day, and then act them out; Jack has discovered the joy of acting, and it's so much fun to watch him try so hard to remember his part!

Sent Tim off to work on time. He is so wonderful and he loves spending time with us, so he's really bad about hanging around here and not showing up to work until 10 or 11 or 12..... but then he has to stay late to make up that lost time, and I would MUCH MUCH MUCH rather have him home in the evenings than in the mornings, so I kick him out by 9 :D

Then Jack asked if we could play chase, and I said we could. I chased him, he chased me, I chased him, he chased me, and Lily followed us and giggled; then she fussed and I picked her up and she didn't smile, so I asked her if she was ready for her nap and she nodded. Silly girl takes her nap between 9:30 and 10am!

After I got her asleep, I read a chapter in The Magician's Nephew (the real first book in the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis) to Jack. This was an idea of mine to copy my friend Malina who reads long chapter books to her homeschooled boys while her toddler naps; I wasn't sure Jack was old enough but I decided it would be fun to try. At first I was much more excited than Jack was, but I think he's warming up to it, b/c later in the day he asked if we could read more of it. yay!

Then I attempted to pay bills. We expected to get Tim's sign-on bonus with this paycheck, so I was rather dismayed when I checked our account online and discovered that it wasn't there. I ended up just playing on facebook and wasting time...

But I did get supper started, beans and rice :D

After Lily woke, we ate lunch. We had apples, and I had a soynut-butter and jelly sandwich that I cut a piece of and shared with Lily. She LOVES it when I give her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, so I was really excited to see that she enjoyed the soynut-butter as much as peanut butter. She's too young to have peanuts yet; when we gave Jack peanuts too early he developed a peanut sensitivity. Thankfully it went away after taking out the peanuts from his diet, but I'd rather not make that same mistake again with Lily!

Then we headed over to our old apartment to check the mail and look at the walls that our landlady said looked so bad they'd cost $350 to patch and re-paint. Decided to just do it myself, and warned her that we won't be able to pay rent this month til next paycheck. I'm really grateful that she was so nice about that, she said I'd have to talk to the bookkeeper but she's pretty sure there will be no problem. Visited one of my neighbors there, the one with the trampoline in her backyard, and actually got on it with Jack and Lily and jumped and jumped and jumped and had a great time! Went to the dentist to get more MI paste, the stuff I put on their teeth that both hardens their enamel and discourages bacterial growth. Then went to the paint store to get the paint and nail-hole-filler; poor Lily was NOT happy about getting in and out of the car so many times, but we had to go to 3 different stores to find everything.

Came home and Lily asked to nurse, and then fell asleep doing so. So Jack asked if we could read more of our book. Not iPad, not food, but The Magician's Nephew was his first request. Score! We read THREE WHOLE CHAPTERS before my mouth was sore and I had to quit, and Jack wanted more! So I reminded him that he has a marble track he can play with when Lily's asleep, and he happily did so while I finished supper. Tim came home and Lily woke up grumpy, but he held her and she warmed up. She loves her Daddy! I finally finished de-boning the Thanksgiving turkey while supper simmered, and felt so accomplished!

Ate supper. It was quite yummy: beans and rice, a staple in our home, but with celery and cajun seasoning this time. Jack ate his, Lily enjoyed hers, and Tim always loves my food, so I was happy :D And Tim made a peanut-butter and banana smoothie to drink with our meal; I didn't get much of mine b/c both of my kids wanted it, but I guess it's more important to feed my kids healthy food than to horde it for myself. After dinner, kids played happily while I made hot chocolate by melting dark chocolate in milk and adding sugar; Jack was excited but ended up not liking it b/c it was too rich! I had just a teeny bit, Tim diluted his with cold milk, and Lily said it was weird to drink something that was warm. So Jack had a mint chocolate chip milkshake instead, and Lily fished all the chocolate chips out of his cup; they then ran all over the house shrieking and squealing and playing together while I put away some clean dishes.

And then suddenly they were both tired! I got Lily all ready for bed and nursed her to sleep while Jack watched Book of Mormon Stories, then when she was down I discovered Jack was asleep as well. Poor kid, he missed his bedtime story (we talk about all the good things we did and what our favorites were).

And now it's my turn to go to bed! Tim is working on some pretty piece of work for an upcoming conference. If I ask him to tell me about it in detail, I'll conk right out...

Photos!

Jack on her Grandpa's lap (Tim's dad, Brian). She always stares really hard at him when we visit; our theory is that since Tim looks a lot like his dad, she just can't get enough of the face her dad's is patterned after :D

(This really isn't the best picture of him, he really is a handsome fellow, but it's a good one of Lily!)

The Lily Flower and Jack the Ninja Turtle at the Halloween Party in Dallas. Lily loved her costume and asked to wear it over and over again afterwards; Jack borrowed this costume from Malina b/c the one I bought for him wasn't what he wanted :P

Productive, yet sleepy, day

I was so tired all day. I felt like I was hanging on with white knuckles and gritted teeth. I prayed for help to actually get something done instead of just sitting around. Hey, at least I got some knitting done!

And I think my prayers were answered. I played with my kiddos, and felt no guilt when I WAS just sitting around (knitting).

Took the kids next door to jump on the trampoline. Made a startling discovery that made me laugh at myself: my neighbor is a single mom who adopted her kids. It's funny to me that I just kept expecting to see her husband, and expected him to be dark African b/c her kids are "black". (I have to put that in quotation marks b/c their skin is not actually black, it is simply the brown skin of African Americans, which I grew up calling black. And Jack tells me "but their skin isn't black, it's brown!") So, I'm just so steeped in traditional family culture that I see a "white" mom with "black" kids and just assume that her husband must be African. I've lived next to them for almost 3 months and it took me this long to realize the true make-up of the family! The oldest kid, going into 2nd grade, said today "My mom's thinking of getting a baby girl!" The middle child chimed in and said "And she says I'm going to have to help change diapers!"

We had tons of fun with them. The sun was fierce today (as fierce as it gets here, anyway) and the black (ha! Truly black, too, not brown!) trampoline was hot enough to make sweet Lily cry when she fell on it. So the oldest boy sprayed water on the trampoline to cool it off, and Jack didn't balk at getting wet. I have to keep reminding myself that he's 4 and all grown up now (but then I have to remind myself that he's still just 4 when he throws tantrums). Then we filled up water balloons and the kids had fun with them, and Lily investigated the rocks in their backyard.

After Lily's nap, we played with my new toy. So far we've mostly been copying the pictures of different tracks that are on the box, but I said today I wanted to invent and do new things. Then I had to walk away to change Lily's diaper. When I came back, Jack was proudly exclaiming that he had built a track. So I got out the camera, and he took a picture of it all by himself!

He held the camera very carefully, pushed the button in slowly so it had time to focus, and was a good distance away from his subject. He only forgot to put the strap around his wrist first. And that's a pretty neat ball track, too!

Then he asked if there could be a picture with him and the ball track in one picture. So I happily obliged :D It took 3 shots to get this b/c he was dancing and singing while smiling and posing; I would have held out and kept on snapping, trying to get a better one, but Lily was throwing a tantrum b/c I wouldn't let her have the camera :(

Went grocery shopping, and kids were great. We're starting to be a little harder on Jack for throwing tantrums, telling him he can't have treat if he screams or throws a fit (and then following through, which is as hard for me as it is for him). What motivation! And it's really working; he must have been ready for it. He was very good in the store, and got the cookies they hand out to kids who ask for them.

Took the car to the shop for its regular oil change and a tune-up prior to long road trips. Left it there for them to work on it first thing in the morning, and walked home. Yay, living in a downtown, EVERYTHING is walking distance away (except the beach). Got more groceries on the way home, too!

Made cookies for our family home evening treat. DIDN'T scream or yell at the wild and crazy four-year-old who just can't stand all the excitement when Daddy comes home. (Is it normal for kids to go berserk when Daddies come home? He literally runs around screaming, jumps on us, throws things, hits us and kicks us, and laughs at us when we tell him to stop!) We had a very successful family home evening; Jack was reverent and obedient all the way through, Lily waited til it was over to completely melt down, and the cookies were delicious :D Jack's idea for our activity was to tell stories! That was completely out of the blue, we haven't told stories in a while and he's never told one at all to my knowledge. He made up his own version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears (Goldilocks helped clean up after she made the mess in the Bears' house!), then I told a story about making cookies together and sharing them with friends, then Tim told a story about living in a hut in the woods, then I told a story about living in a glass dome under the sea, then Jack told a story about living on the beach and building a bridge across the ocean. !!! It's so neat to see him develop new skills, and I'm so excited every time he does something imaginative and creative :D He's so much like me, and I've never felt like I'm very imaginative or creative, so I need to work on my creativity so I can help him (hence the knitting...)

Speaking of, when I went shopping for camo yarn last week (!! I made a pink and purple scarf for my cousin's daughter a couple of months ago, and her son decided he wanted a scarf too, but he wants his CAMO. !!), I looked at the scrapbook supplies just so I could start dreaming of making Jack's and Lily's scrapbooks. Jack was really excited when I told him what a scrapbook was and what I'd be doing with it (making it for HIM, with pictures of HIM, for him to keep all his life!), and he wanted to pick his out right then and there. He picked one that was pink and purple.... I've never discouraged him from liking pink, b/c I think it is downright silly for our culture to say there is a color that is only for girls and boys can't use it. (What I really hate about it is not so much the exclusivity of the color, but the way boys so often look down on it, as if pink isn't good enough for a boy.) But I would hate for him to carry around a pink scrapbook all his life and come to regret that later! (Although, I suppose we could switch it into a more masculine one if he decides he wants it, later. Yay for scrapbooks and removable pages!) I asked him what he liked about the pink and purple one, and he said he liked the "gears" on it. Well, that's masculine enough, don't ya think? They weren't really gears, they were some kind of variation on a paisley theme, but HE saw gears. So we looked for another book with gears and couldn't find one. We'll look online next :D

I'm changing up our homeschooling schedule a bit, but I haven't decided how. Jack just asked me as I was putting him to bed what we're going to do tomorrow, b/c he wants a schedule. I told him I'm changing it a bit and I don't know yet how it's going to be, and poor kid pleaded with me not to change it, he likes doing what Malina does. So, I guess I'd better make a plan for tomorrow before I go to bed :D

Good night!

Feeling Better

I read some articles in my church's magazine, the Ensign, and the thought struck me, "Do you really want to be angry about moving, or do you want to move on with your life?" My feet are still dragging, but I'm moving on.

Tim came home about 10pm from work, and all I wanted to do was sulk. He got pretty mad at me for that. He stayed up til after midnight, cleaning to work out his anger. I woke up to a spotless kitchen and a forgiving husband, and tried not to be mad at him for being mad at me. Vicious cycle!

Checked out the homeschool group, Mid-Peninsula Homeschoolers. It was a LLL leader, Annabelle, who had recommended them to me, and she was there even though I didn't get there til about 5pm. I talked to her a lot, and I like her. We both bemoaned the smaller family sizes out here (she's Catholic and I'm Mormon, so we both believe in large families, and the culture has tainted even those of our faiths to limit their families to 2-3 kids), and talked about our reasons for homeschooling that have nothing to do with the quality of the schools nearby. AND, I heard some horror stories about the supposedly great schools here, from a couple of kids who moved here from the rural midwest. Their mother pulled them out of school here b/c the schools were so awful compared to what they had in Indiana. Maybe it's the early elementary schools here that are so great... I had fun, and my kids had fun playing on the playgrounds. Jack was being possessive of another kid's beach ball, so it was a learning experience for me to step back and let him learn from his mistakes instead of jumping in and telling him what to do. I did my parental duty to make sure he understood that those toys belonged to someone else, then I let him learn from the kid who didn't want her toys commandeered. I think it worked; another kid came with a toy truck that Jack wanted, and he gave that toy truck back to it's owner a lot more easily than he had given up the beach ball. Then he shared his own toy that I fetched for him from our car (a clanky metal treasure chest that just begged to be filled up with the wood chips that filled this playground).

And Lily had fun climbing the steps, then going down the slide, then toddling back to the steps to repeat. It's so much fun watching her realize what she's "supposed" to do on a playground :D

She made her version of the "more" sign a few times today. That has become her catch-all sign, her way of saying back to me whatever I'm asking her. She was done on the potty, and I asked her if she was done, and she signed "more." What's that supposed to mean, yes? Or no, she needs "more" time on the potty? Then every time I offered her food, she signed "more," and that was much more easily understood :D She's also learned how to ask to nurse, and I'm trying to teach her a sign for that, but every time I make the sign for her, she signs "more" back at me. Hey, she's communicating, and that's a good thing! It's fun to watch her realize, "Hey, I know how to ask for this. I'm going to ask for it and see if I get it. Hey, I do! That's awesome!"

Was invited to go to the Junior Museum with a couple of the moms who have just moved into our ward. (We were just the first of many new families in our ward.) It was fun, they both have ittle toddlers like Lily, and we had fun watching our little ones explore and learn and be completely overwhelmed by all the bigger kids running around. And of course, Jack had such fun he never wanted to leave.

He is getting better and better at watching Lily for me. I never leave him to watch her for more than a few minutes, but if I need to run across the room and I don't want to drag Lily with me but I also don't want to leave her unwatched, I tell Jack to hold her hand, or sit down next to her, or keep his eyes on her (that one is the hardest for him) until I get back. Sometimes I'll take a minute to watch him watch her, and he is so good at keeping an eye on her! And he'll report back to me when I get back, "Nobody tried to take Lily!"

Or sometimes, in a store or running some other errand, Lily will want to walk, and I'll want her to be corralled so she doesn't run in the parking lot or something, so I'll tell Jack to hold her hand. It was hilarious the first time, b/c she refused to hold his hand and kept shaking him off, but she's getting used to it now, and he's getting better at holding on to her :D

Before we went to the museum, we went to the library that's right across the parking lot. Jack had fun returning books and movies, then picking out new ones. We found a little section of the library that we'd never noticed before (the "New Readers' Nook"), and didn't go to the computer they have for kids to listen to books on (YAY!). Jack picked out all the Dr. Seuss books in the New Readers' Nook, and a few others as well. All the books in that section have large print, with short words, and not many words on a page; all the Dr. Seuss books in that section are books like "Hop on Pop" that are more plays on rhymes than stories, which Jack found disappointing. He wants a story, not a string of rhymes. But he loves Dr. Seuss, so he's warming up to the new books, and he'll have plenty of time to read them in the next few weeks. I learned from a friend of mine; her toddler pulls down books and puzzles every day and leaves them strewn all over the floor, but my friend doesn't mind picking them up. I was completely baffled as to why she didn't mind, why she didn't put them up higher where the toddler wouldn't make such a mess (toddler Jack used to do the same thing and it drove me nuts!), until Lily started doing the same thing, and I noticed that when the books are strewn all over the floor, Jack will pick them up and ask me to read to him. So, my house is always a mess, but Jack is picking up reading skills at lightning speed!

Tonight's photos are a little old...

This was back in Texas, in January. Lily was just starting to pull books down and delightedly flip through them :D She was about 8 months old.

This one isn't as old, it's just from last month. (I didn't have any pics of Jack and books, b/c I'm the one who reads the most to him, and I'm the one who takes the most pictures!) Tim likes to make games, and this one he and Jack designed together, colored together, then played together to work out the rules. Jack was just in heaven :D He may not know how to read yet, but he knows how to design a new game!

Good night!

Let's not make a habit of this.

Today was hard from start to finish.

If you don't want to read a bunch of whining and venting, stop now.

I hate california. I hate everything about it. No amount of beauty and nice weather is worth living here. I hate Tim's job, I hate my new ward, I hate my neighborhood, I hate my new living arrangement, I hate my new bedroom, (I do happen to like my new kitchen, except for the fact that there's NO DISHWASHER), I hate all the ugly carpet in my new apartment, I hate the culture here.

Poor Jack. We woke up late this morning, had a commitment to get to at 9:30am. Jack doesn't do well when he's rushed, and I don't do well when I'm ignored. Tim played referee between us, but poor Jack was still sniffling when we got to our appointment at 9:45, and I felt like the worst mother on earth.

But the thing went really well! It was a photography camp for 4-year-olds. I thought it was rather ambitious, expecting 4-year-olds to do well with digital cameras, but they did, and they had a blast. I stayed there for the first hour and a half (half out of guilt for making his morning so miserable, half b/c I just don't leave my kids anywhere ever). They talked about the parts of a camera, the difference between blurry photos and clear photos, how to handle a camera, where the camera focuses, and then I left. While I was gone they went outside and took pictures, then ate lunch. Jack was adventurous and ate a blueberry! (And I realize now I forgot to ask him how he liked it. I guess he didn't like it much or he would have eaten more than one!)

I went to a La Leche League meeting for about an hour. It was alright. Got to help out a new mom who felt like she was nursing all the time; told her that was normal and nothing to worry about, then gave her some suggestions for hands-free breastfeeding so she won't mind it (always being attached to the baby) so much :D I happened to have paper and pen in my hand while we were all throwing suggestions at her, so I wrote them all down for her. Yay me!

Silly Lily fell asleep there. I tried to keep her awake so she could fall asleep after I picked Jack up, but she got really mad at me for that, so I let her sleep. And thankfully, she stayed asleep when I put her in the car, while I waited to pick Jack up, when I took her out of the car, and only woke up a little when I laid her down in the bed. So I laid down next to her and nursed her back to sleep and took a nap with her, too! And poor Jack was left all alone with his cartoons. He doesn't even remember what he watched (99% chance it was something OK), so that tells me he didn't enjoy it much.

I tried to salvage the day by playing with the kids. And that really was the highlight of my day. We played with the dominoes, then played another game together. And the kids played happily while I talked on the phone with a good friend, so that was nice. (And the highlight of that conversation: I told her I'm burned out a bit and not doing any "school" this week, and she said "Good! You're supposed to take a break when you need it!")

We went to the Stanford shopping center to look at the fountains there. I always feel so ugly when I go there; all those upscale clothing stores and their dressed-up manequins, and the shoppers that go there all dressed so much nicer than me, with their hair and makeup and nails all done. And I realized what I hate about this place so much: there is such a segregation between kid-friendly and not kid-friendly. The places that are kid-friendly are GREAT. FABULOUS. WONDERFUL. The places that aren't kid-friendly, I'll be the only silly mom there with my kids, and it just sucks.

Again, I hate california.

Tonight was a "Ladies Night Out" with some of the moms. Here's another reason I hate my ward: the relief society (the women's organization) never provides babysitting at their activities, and they never have kid-friendly activities. So, again, I was the only one with my kids. And no matter how good they were, they were still kids with active minds and bodies, and I hardly got anything out of the evening. (Except maybe an appreciation for how well-behaved my kids are, but by then I was so sulky I hardly even noticed. Poor kids.) I really think next time I'll just stay home. In fact, I'm really tired of trying to make friends here, so I think I'll just stop trying. (Really, I won't, but it feels good to type it...)

Tim's job rocks. He's a celebrity. He gets to ride his scooter up to "the city" (the term for San Francisco around here. Interestingly enough, they despise the nickname "Frisco".) to eat lunch or dinner with his buddies, and that's part of his job. He gets to fly to Germany to speak at a world-famous conference, and that's part of his job. He gets to do work that he enjoys so much that he did it for free for a month when he was bored of the jobs in Texas. It's really hard not to hate him for having so much fun here.

At least my kids went to bed well. We got home and they were both exhausted. Lily even happily let me brush her teeth (she usually fights it). Jack climbed right into bed as soon as we walked in the door. Nursing Lily to sleep took no more than 10 minutes. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have such delightful children.

This was Lily on the grass by the fountain:

And the rest of the pics from today are in another Picasa album.

Productive Day!

I had a lot to get done today. I was looking down the barrel of my overfilled day, this morning, and I just knew that I was going to get stressed and take it out on my poor innocent kids. So after we got all loaded up in the car, I told Jack we were going to say a quick prayer; I prayed for guidance in choosing which things to do, and help in staying patient and cheerful. I had a great day :D The things that didn't get done were the laundry and dishes and tidying. The things that did get done were the car repair, the playgroup, the La Leche League meeting, the reading to Jack, the playing with Jack, the playing with Lily, the grocery shopping, the dinner cooking, the cookie making (more about that later), and the German neighbor and his Japanese wife coming for dinner. Oh, and the blogging :D

I'm so glad I went to the LLL meeting! Not only was it fun, and nice to get to meet with a bunch of crunchy moms again (I don't get my crunchies from the moms in my ward, sigh), but as we were leaving I was talking with the leader in charge, and she said "You'll fit in a lot better once you find a good homeschool group." She said I just looked like a homeschooler, and she loves her group and would love to see me on Wednesday afternoons at a park close to me where they meet! I checked them out online and they seem like a good group: Mid-Peninsula Homeschoolers. I've hesitated to go seeking a group, first b/c of the sheer volume of groups out here. Seems like I'm not the only one who rejects the "great" schools out here :P I get overwhelmed with too many choices sometimes! But also, the one mom in my ward who used to homeschool but quit last year, said that the groups she saw nearby were just "weird." (I keep forgetting that I'm "weird" to most people, so I shouldn't be scared by that description!)

Our neighbors downstairs are quite international. On one side, we have a mom who's half Mexican and half Persian. On the other side, we have a couple who have the husband from Germany and the wife from Japan. (And our next-door neighbors are an interracial couple with two kids. I have to admit I do love the diversity here!) Since Tim is going to Germany in 5 1/2 weeks, I thought it would be neat to ask our neighbor to teach us som German. Tonight they brought us dinner, which I thought was hilarious b/c we're the ones who wanted them to teach us, so shouldn't we owe them dinner? But it was yummy and WAY different from our usual fare! Rice and edamame with tofu, then tomato cucumber radish salad with peanut butter vinaigrette dressing. Craziness! The rice was delicious, the salad was just different. Hey, it wasn't nasty! I happily ate it all and was grateful for it :D

I discovered how to not overeat my delicious chocolate chip cookies (made with organic butter, organic evaporated cane juice, and M&Ms): WEEVILS. That's all I need to say.

Tonight's photos!

a picture of me in my blog, oh no!

I love this view...

The end of a little creek emptying into the ocean. It was tons of fun to wade across!

There was a driftwood teepee that was just right for taking pictures in!

These are from San Gregorio Beach, one of the beaches near us. We went there on a day I was feeling pretty homesick; Tim said "You need to see the good things we live near!" and took us all to the beach :D It was beautiful! And COLD! We laughed at the one person we saw there in a bikini :P And happily snuggled in our sweaters :D

Tomorrow is our 6-year anniversary! We're planning on taking another trip to the beach.

A lesson I just learned...

So my best friend in Texas, another homeschooling mom with kids a little older than mine, did what she called Theme Days. She did writing games on Mondays, science experiments on Tuesdays, math games on Wednesdays, history/social studies on Thursdays, and art on Fridays. I thought "What a great idea! I should do that too!" But then I thought, "Why should I let someone else pick what I do for my theme days?" and decided I would pick and choose what we would do. And I never got around to picking and choosing, and we never did anything. After we moved here and Jack was begging for some kind of schedule, I decided it would be better to copy someone else than to do nothing at all, so we started doing her theme days, with just one modification, turning Monday into reading day instead of writing day.

Now that we've done this a few weeks, I can see that reading day is pointless, b/c we read every day, and a nature day is much more needful b/c we live in a downtown and rarely get to connect with nature. THIS is how it's supposed to be done; copying someone else is fine to start out with, as long as you're willing to make changes along the way to adapt to the needs of your family.

Is it sad that that's such a revelation for me?