Let's not make a habit of this.

Today was hard from start to finish.

If you don't want to read a bunch of whining and venting, stop now.

I hate california. I hate everything about it. No amount of beauty and nice weather is worth living here. I hate Tim's job, I hate my new ward, I hate my neighborhood, I hate my new living arrangement, I hate my new bedroom, (I do happen to like my new kitchen, except for the fact that there's NO DISHWASHER), I hate all the ugly carpet in my new apartment, I hate the culture here.

Poor Jack. We woke up late this morning, had a commitment to get to at 9:30am. Jack doesn't do well when he's rushed, and I don't do well when I'm ignored. Tim played referee between us, but poor Jack was still sniffling when we got to our appointment at 9:45, and I felt like the worst mother on earth.

But the thing went really well! It was a photography camp for 4-year-olds. I thought it was rather ambitious, expecting 4-year-olds to do well with digital cameras, but they did, and they had a blast. I stayed there for the first hour and a half (half out of guilt for making his morning so miserable, half b/c I just don't leave my kids anywhere ever). They talked about the parts of a camera, the difference between blurry photos and clear photos, how to handle a camera, where the camera focuses, and then I left. While I was gone they went outside and took pictures, then ate lunch. Jack was adventurous and ate a blueberry! (And I realize now I forgot to ask him how he liked it. I guess he didn't like it much or he would have eaten more than one!)

I went to a La Leche League meeting for about an hour. It was alright. Got to help out a new mom who felt like she was nursing all the time; told her that was normal and nothing to worry about, then gave her some suggestions for hands-free breastfeeding so she won't mind it (always being attached to the baby) so much :D I happened to have paper and pen in my hand while we were all throwing suggestions at her, so I wrote them all down for her. Yay me!

Silly Lily fell asleep there. I tried to keep her awake so she could fall asleep after I picked Jack up, but she got really mad at me for that, so I let her sleep. And thankfully, she stayed asleep when I put her in the car, while I waited to pick Jack up, when I took her out of the car, and only woke up a little when I laid her down in the bed. So I laid down next to her and nursed her back to sleep and took a nap with her, too! And poor Jack was left all alone with his cartoons. He doesn't even remember what he watched (99% chance it was something OK), so that tells me he didn't enjoy it much.

I tried to salvage the day by playing with the kids. And that really was the highlight of my day. We played with the dominoes, then played another game together. And the kids played happily while I talked on the phone with a good friend, so that was nice. (And the highlight of that conversation: I told her I'm burned out a bit and not doing any "school" this week, and she said "Good! You're supposed to take a break when you need it!")

We went to the Stanford shopping center to look at the fountains there. I always feel so ugly when I go there; all those upscale clothing stores and their dressed-up manequins, and the shoppers that go there all dressed so much nicer than me, with their hair and makeup and nails all done. And I realized what I hate about this place so much: there is such a segregation between kid-friendly and not kid-friendly. The places that are kid-friendly are GREAT. FABULOUS. WONDERFUL. The places that aren't kid-friendly, I'll be the only silly mom there with my kids, and it just sucks.

Again, I hate california.

Tonight was a "Ladies Night Out" with some of the moms. Here's another reason I hate my ward: the relief society (the women's organization) never provides babysitting at their activities, and they never have kid-friendly activities. So, again, I was the only one with my kids. And no matter how good they were, they were still kids with active minds and bodies, and I hardly got anything out of the evening. (Except maybe an appreciation for how well-behaved my kids are, but by then I was so sulky I hardly even noticed. Poor kids.) I really think next time I'll just stay home. In fact, I'm really tired of trying to make friends here, so I think I'll just stop trying. (Really, I won't, but it feels good to type it...)

Tim's job rocks. He's a celebrity. He gets to ride his scooter up to "the city" (the term for San Francisco around here. Interestingly enough, they despise the nickname "Frisco".) to eat lunch or dinner with his buddies, and that's part of his job. He gets to fly to Germany to speak at a world-famous conference, and that's part of his job. He gets to do work that he enjoys so much that he did it for free for a month when he was bored of the jobs in Texas. It's really hard not to hate him for having so much fun here.

At least my kids went to bed well. We got home and they were both exhausted. Lily even happily let me brush her teeth (she usually fights it). Jack climbed right into bed as soon as we walked in the door. Nursing Lily to sleep took no more than 10 minutes. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have such delightful children.

This was Lily on the grass by the fountain:

And the rest of the pics from today are in another Picasa album.